Mongoose Ice Cream Social

Here's a brief rundown on some of the games I've played a bit over the past couple of months.

• Metal Gear Solid 4 -  I bought the MGS4 PS3 bundle, and it was worth it.  This game is pretty much pure awesome from start to finish, and it does an excellent job of tying up every last loose end that the series had dangling up to this point.  The way that the game references previous games in the series, particularly all of Act 4, is great.  They really paid attention to detail, and even when the game does go overboard in the cinematics, it doesn't really detract from anything.
• Trauma Center:  Under the Knife 2 - I haven't played too deeply into this yet, but what I have played is pretty much more of what I was expecting.  It's the second DS Trauma Center game and follows the main characters from the first, with more crazy operations and the ability to slow down time by drawing pentacles on the screen.  The character art, which uses the same style as the Wii games, is much better than the art used in the original DS game.
• Heavenly Sword - I picked this game up when it was on discount at Gamestop.  As an action game, it's okay, but the action bits tend not to be long enough, and there's a heavy over-reliance on Quick Time Events (press X, Left, and Circle in sequence to climb the rock ledge!).  The main thing that the game really has going for it is the general quality of the cutscenes.  All of the characters were created using the same sort of extensive motion capture used to create Gollum in the LOTR movies, and the main villain is actually played by Andy Serkis.  The main problem here, however, is that some of the actors honestly have no idea how to act for motion capture, and gesticulate in bizarre manners that are just distracting.
• Final Fantasy Fables:  Chocobo's Dungeon -  This is the newest game in the Chocobo's Dungeon series made by the same developer that's worked on other Mystery Dungeon games like the Pokemon Mystery Dungeon series, Shiren the Wanderer, and the old Torneko games.  I hadn't ever played a Mystery Dungeon game before, and it's not bad.  The plot and characters are definitely for a younger audience, and the game isn't exceedingly difficult, so it's not really bad, but nothing particularly special, either.
• Final Fantasy IV - OH GOD THIS GAME IS AWESOME.  Seriously, this DS remake of the original is absolutely perfect.  It's challenging, the new graphics and redone music are well done, the voice acting matches the characters, and as close as it sticks to the original in every conceivable way possible, it still has room to throw in things that are completely new.
• Soul Calibur IV - I picked up the PS3 version of SCIV, and I've been enjoying it.  The gameplay in general feels better to me than it did in Soul Calibur III, with some new elements like critical finishes (which are instant kills meant to punish turtling), and the character creator is leaps and bounds better than Soul Calibur III.  I've gotten creative and tried making everything from Fire Emblem characters to A.B.A. from Guilty Gear to some characters from a story I've been working on.  The only real downside to the game is the inclusion of the Star Wars characters.  On their own, they're not really insulting (they're certainly no worse than the bonus characters in Soul Calibur II), but they're not very well balanced.  One of the reasons I didn't get the 360 version was because that version includes Yoda, who is not only too short for many high and mid-height attacks to hit, he can't even be thrown.  Luckily, I've run into only a few players online who insist on using the Star Wars characters, so the experience overall is still positive.
• Bionic Commando Rearmed - I played the hell out of Bionic Commando on the Game Boy back in the day, and Rearmed is a complete revamp of the classic 2D game.  Everything about it has been given a touch up with a rewritten, more coherent story, new challenge rooms and of course, the sight of a certain villain's head exploding.  The game is also tough as nails, just like the original, but it's well-worth the download.
• We Love Golf! - It's a Capcom golf game made by the same people that made the Mario Golf games.  It's pretty much what Mario Golf for the Wii would be like, but with a bunch of general family friendly stand-ins in place of the Mario characters.  One bonus is that each character has an unlockable costume themed after a classic Capcom character.  It's not particularly difficult, but it's a good way to pass time, and frankly, seeing Morrigan play golf is a nice touch.
• And finally, Pain - This is a downloadable game for the PS3 that I got for free through a voucher that came with the system.  It's, well...it's about taking a twit, putting him in a large slingshot, and firing him off into a city to wreak as much property damage and physical agony as possible.  It's pretty dumb, but it seems to wear that fact on its sleeve, so I can't complain.  Not that I can't complain means that the game is actually good.

A salute to the enema.

...I really have nothing more to add to this.

I saw Indiana Jones and the Kingdom of the Crystal Skull earlier today.  Over all, I think it's a great movie and definitely worth seeing, though I think that Raiders of the Lost Ark and The Last Crusade were better.  I don't remember enough of The Temple of Doom to really compare it, but  that doesn't really matter.  What does matter is that despite Harrison Ford and all of the other returning actors being older, it still feels like an Indiana Jones movie.  The only real difference this time around is that the movie takes place in 1957, which unfortunately means no more battling with Nazis hellbent on misusing the powers of ancient relics.  The Soviets make a decent substitute though.

I won't go into too much detail about the story since every website on the planet seemed content with spoiling roughly 90% of the movie before the weekend ended, but if you've seen the other movies, you can probably guess some of the tropes that make appearances.  The references to past movies range from subtle to scare-you-with-a-snake obvious, but it's a fun ride.

You're Capcom, and it's been years since you've put out a successful crossover fighting game.  Marvel took their licenses elsewhere, teaming up with SNK has already been done, so what next?

Teaming up with the animation studio Tatsunoko.  That's what.

The only sad thing I can think about this right now is the low chance this game has of making it to the U.S.

Uwe Boll.  You might have heard of him.  He's a German director who's mostly known for savaging various video game licenses and turning them into some of the worst movies ever made.  There's even an online petition out there created with the goal to make him stop before he does any more damage.  He also has an incredibly high opinion of himself and his work.  How high?  His latest movie, Postal, is due to premiere across the U.S. on the Memorial Day weekend.  Going up against Indiana Jones takes balls.

Unfortunately, only four theaters have chosen to run the movie.  Four.

Now, I haven't seen Postal (for obvious reasons), but everything I've read about the movie indicates that it really does nothing to improve Boll's track record.  To start off with, Postal isn't exactly the best license to turn into a video game.  The one thing that Postal 2 really had going for it was that you could kill Gary Coleman and then urinate on his corpse.  (No, I'm not making this up.  Oh god, am I ever not.)  So how do you turn a game like this into a movie?  Well, you can start off with a scene that's a parody of the 9/11 attacks.  Classy.

Anyway, in response to the abysmal theater distribution, Boll decided it would be best to post a rant on the film's official website.  In case it should get pulled down, here's an article with a clip of it, but the whole thing can be found right here.

Read it if you like...if you can.  Now, I understand that English isn't Boll's first language, but you would think that someone at least semi-fluent would have a basic grasp of capitalization and punctuation.  Does he really pay so little attention to his PR that he couldn't get someone to proofread that?  He's trying to paint himself as a Hollywood rebel, but while it's true that a lot of what Hollywood produces is dreck, Boll's films are far, far worse.  I'm not exaggerating when I say that Alone in the Dark is the single worst movie I have ever seen in my entire life.  It's not even good in the so-bad-it's-funny way.  It's just an abysmal mess that I can't imagine anyone being proud of being associated with.  Except Uwe Boll, of course.  I'd feel sorry for the guy, but he brings it upon himself.

I wanted to write about this sooner, but I went and saw Iron Man on Friday night.  If you like comic book movies and you haven't had the chance to go yet, I recommend it.

I'm not overly familiar with the Iron Man comics.  Aside from the movie, and maybe one or two episodes of that ridiculous '90s animated series, my first exposure to the character was an action figure I picked up in the bargain basement of a Woolworth's.  (Yes, Woolworth's.  My god, I'm dating myself.)  I knew a lot of the basics, like his origins, alcoholism, and so on, but if you were to ask me about regular Iron Man villains, I could name the Mandarin and...that would be about it.  The Mandarin isn't even in the movie.

So no, I'm not an Iron Man expert, but that's all right, because the movie does a great job with the origin story.  Like Bruce Wayne in Batman Begins, Tony Stark is an actual character and not just the dude that Iron Man is when he isn't being Iron Man.  Robert Downey Jr. does a great job playing the character, going from likable playboy douche-nozzle to likable superhero over the course of the story.

The action sequences are also fun.  They aren't overly elaborate compared to most comic book movies, but they're effective and really show what the Iron Man armor can do.  And as fantastic and over-the-top as the fights can get, they never reach the point of being completely ridiculous, even during the fight with the villain at the end of the movie.  (I won't say who the villain is, for those that don't know, but when you watch the movie, you'll be able to guess his identity within the first fifteen minutes by the character's name alone.  Not that that should come as a shock to anyone.)

So yeah.  I definitely recommend seeing Iron Man.  Also, a thanks to damndirtycrane for telling me to stay for the scene after the end credits.  Bonus points to anyone that sticks around for it.

As for the trailers that played before the movie:

The Chronicles of Narnia:  Prince Caspian:  I read all of the Narnia books when I was too young to see the Christian allegories, and although I missed out on the first movie, I'm kind of interested to see this one.

The Incredible Hulk:  I'm only one of the three people on the planet that apparently liked Ang Lee's Hulk movie from a few years ago.  It was different, in that it really wasn't the kind of movie that comic book junkies would really want, but it wasn't bad.  I guess this new one should be more to the fans' liking, but hopefully it falls closer to the Iron Man end of the scale and not X-Men 3 (or, god forbid, Batman & Robin).

The Fall:  Uh...what?  I can't really say much about what this movie is.  My first impression of it was that it was trying way too hard to be a darker, more adult storyteller fantasy akin to The Princess Bride crossed with a heavy dose of Cirque du Soleil, but in the trailer, it just comes off as being remarkably self-absorbed and pretentious.  It's really not fair to judge it like that, but it's not a great first impression.

Indiana Jones and The Kingdom of the Crystal Skull:  It's Indiana Jones, but he's older and beating the crap out of Commies instead of Nazis.  How can I disagree with this?

Mortal Kombat vs. DC Universe:


WHY?

Okay, let's forget how bad the SNES Justice League fighting game was.  Let us also forget how bad Mortal Kombat has been for the past ten years.  Let's even forget about how Capcom already made several successful crossovers with the Marvel universe.  Even with the news of a game pitting 50 Cent against the Middle East in the name of a blinged-out skull, this idea is just stupid.  Oh, god, is it ever stupid.  Let me count the ways:

1. It's a Mortal Kombat game.  The Mortal Kombat series hasn't seen an honestly good game in at least a decade.
2. How the hell do you put Superman in a fighting game and make it make sense?  Anyone he'd fight would have their chest cavity caved in instantly.  Not to get all fanboy here, but how do you explain something like this?  Kryptonite-laced kevlar vests?
3. Despite the fact that this is a Mortal Kombat game, there won't be any Fatalities and blood won't be spurting all over the place, likely because DC doesn't want to see their characters torn to bits.  Without the blood and Fatalities, this game pretty much loses most of what appeals to the primary MK demographic.

I could go on, but why bother.  The only thing I can't figure out is who's idea this was in the first place, and I'm not sure I want to know the answer.

Three hours and fifteen minutes left in April Fool's Day, and I managed to avoid getting pranked all day.  I thought I could make it.

Then I got rickrolled.

I forgot how absolutely cracked those old console Star Wars games were.  I mean, what?

BEHOLD!  Darth SCORPION!

Extra win for mentioning the Han versus Carbonite Chamber fight in Super Empire Strikes Back. XD

There are bad ideas for video game storylines.  There are terrible ideas.

And then there's this.

Oh my god.  I'm torn between laughing until my lungs hurt and palming my face in shame for humanity.  I just can't decide.